#i've been working on this since september please clap | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yellobb · 2 years ago

Note

Ok well I’m very curious about Oof now

TW: Non-explicit noncon, dubious consent

This is NSFW, so minors begone!

From this

So this is actually a... request? Kinda??? I don't know if you remember or not (you were part of the convo, but it was a while ago now), but for those who don't/aren't in it:

Flavioli in the server (join if you aren't there already!!!!) came up with the concept of Simon being treated kind of like Finnick was in the Hunger Games series: being sent to higher ranking members of the World of Mages as "company" (i.e., prostitution/escort work, in a way). The plot would take place after the Humdrum is defeated in an AU where Simon doesn't connect with Baz and still trusts the Mage at the end. The Mage finds a use for Simon once he's lost all his magic, having Simon sexually service influential people to gain influence for Davy himself. Here's the link to the convo if you're in the Discord and want to read back yourself!

In the planning I've done so far, it's going to be all from non-Simon POVs. Baz in particular finds out months or years after this started happening and decides to figure out how to "hire" Simon himself in order to talk to him and help him get out of his situation.

Here's a couple excerpts because I couldn't pick one:

“You were Snow’s roommate, weren’t you, Basilton?” “Yes, sir,” I respond, quirking an eyebrow. “Did he ever whore himself out to you? Taught him everything he knows, ay?” Clark laughs. Addams is smirking like we’re sharing an inside joke, but I’m in too much shock to properly respond. “Excuse me?” I can’t keep the venom from my voice, but neither man seems to notice. “You were there when he defeated the Humdrum. Emotions must have been running pretty high, and with a body like his… Well, I wouldn’t blame you for taking what you wanted.”

----

Addams responds by leaning up to my ear. The feeling of his hot, rancid breath against my ear nearly makes me gag. “Talk to Davy and he’ll get you set up. Tell him you want to have a meeting with the Chosen One about his company. He’ll make sure you’re… taken care of.” Addams pulls back and claps me on the shoulder with a sickening grin and a wink. He walks to the table just as the Mage himself walks in. I leave without bothering to grab my coat.

The second I’m outside, I dial Fiona. “Don’t you have a coven meeting right now, boyo? Finally loosening up a bit?” she cackles. “Did you know?” I growl into the phone. “I know a lot of things. You’re going to have to b-“ “Fiona, tell me you didn’t know.” I know I probably sound hysterical, but I can't help it. I am hysterical.

Anyway! This isn't really my comfort zone to write, but I was super interested in the concept as something to read and no one else seemed comfortable with writing it.

I haven't done much with it since the day we discussed it back in early September, but I feel like it'll happen at some point. It's something that I've gotta be kind of delicate with, considering the subject matter, and I do need to figure out how to write this in a way I feel comfortable, so I'm not gonna rush it.

And if anyone else wants to take this concept off my hands, please let me know! I feel like someone else would do a much better job writing this than I could, so my DMs are open if you want to claim it :)

#m writes #m answers #wip #I was gonna answer this earlier but I was in class #and this isn't necessarily the kind of thing I want someone looking over my shoulder for 😅#I like this concept a ton I'm just struggling to figure out how best to handle it still #all I have written is this first scene and I don't even like that too much so I'll probably start over from scratch later

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moved-to-void-kissed · 3 years ago

Text

Return on Crow's Wings

After defeating Ciel in a Pokémon battle and acquiring her thirteenth Gym Badge, Adriana can finally Fly outside of battle, to return to a Reborn City that has become revitalised in her absence. However, her first port of call is Iolia Valley, where she is able to reunite with Luna after being unable to see her since their own battle, many months prior. (2184 words) Takes place directly after the Gym battle with Ciel in Pokémon Reborn.

I believe this is the first piece of selfship writing I've completed since the start of the year, but it's one that has been in the works for a long time (since I referenced it for one of my sapphic September pieces!), and the approaching release of Reborn's final episode gave me the motivation I needed to finally write it all out. Luna my beloved ^-^

(A tag list and transcript of the document are under the readmore; comments on and reblogs of my work are always okay and appreciated, but never required!)

“Bravo, my dear! You’ve struck the landing!”

As the Noivern sailed down to the ground in a somehow surprisingly-graceful crash, a burst of applause spilled forth from the stands circling the big top. It had been quite a close battle, which made it a great show for the audience to watch. Adriana only had her Roserade - by all accounts, an impossible Pokémon to switch in within the Flying-type Gym - and somewhat-injured Silvally left able to battle by the end. Both Trainers had been permitted the use of three Ultra Potions, which attempted to tip the scales back in Ciel’s favour before successive Multi-Attacks augmented by the power of a Ghost Memory finished the fight.

“Thank you, Ms. Featherstone.. and you, Argent. All of you did so well.” Adriana mumbled, recalling the weary Silvally to its Dusk Ball as the aerial acrobat on the other end of the field did the same with her fainted Noivern. Ciel said something in return, but the ringmaster Alistasia’s address to the audience drowned out whatever was spoken - the spectacle of the circus was something that had to keep going, no matter the scope of the show.

“Aaaand Adriana's prize today is the Suspension Badge! The Suspension Badge bestows obedience of Pokémon up to level 80 for its Trainer, AND the ability to use the Machine Fly! But wait, there's more! Adriana has also won the TM for Acrobatics! A flashy move for a flashy show - perfect, don't you think?”

The ringmaster crossed the border of the circus-stage-turned-battlefield and handed Adriana a small triangular badge, as well as a light blue Technical Machine inscribed with the number 62. She took these prizes from her gratefully, but any attempts she might have made at talking further were swamped by the cheers and claps of the audience. It had been clear from the start that she was never going to be fond of the circus, but the antics of the Agate Ace Triumvirate and the other circus performers had honestly been hard to bear for as long as she had been forced to.

Now though, with Ciel’s Gym Badge in hand and the Fly TMX itself already gifted to her by Florinia, Adriana finally had everything she needed to leave the Carnelia region and return to Reborn City. Not only that, but she could go even further still, to Aventurine - to return to where Luna was waiting for her.

Outside the safety of her thoughts, the ringmaster’s voice continued to fill the air with a well-practised resonance, still addressing the audience.

“And for those of you anxious for their moment with Ciel… Find those Battle Passes! Thank you for coming, everyone!”

Another unwarranted eruption of applause, one that flooded the big top with noise again. Adriana felt extremely exposed, especially without her Pokémon on the field, so it was all she could do to smile nervously and wave at the audience a little bit. Ciel, on the other hand, was drinking up the spectacle, even if her exuberance was dampened slightly by her losing the battle. She knew only too well how to please the crowd.

After what felt like an age, Adri made it out of the circus tent, stepping out into the light of the setting sun and the decidedly quieter-than-usual Agate Circus grounds.

“Sounds like you two really gave ‘em a good show in there.”

The sudden gruff voice made Adriana jump. “Ah- Samson!”

“Heh. Sorry, pipsqueak. Didn’t mean to scare ya there.” The circus strongman was leaning against a lamppost at the entrance to the big top.

“I see you beat Ciel no problem”, he continued, pointing at the badge and TM in the young lady’s hand. “Nice going.”

Adri still felt fragile from the impact of all the noise from the circus. “I, um- thank you.. I would’ve thought you would be with her at the moment, though..?”

“That was the idea, but some dolt went and broke the High Striker. Thought they’d try their hand at it while everyone was watchin’ your Gym battle.” he explained scornfully. “So I had to come out here and tell ‘em off. And fix the thing.”

People were now starting to exit the big top, so Adriana quickly tried to step out of their way while she tried to put her prizes away, only for Samson to promptly stop leaning on the lamppost and use his imposing figure to repel the flow of traffic away from her.

“Hey, give the lady some space!”

“Well said as ever, darling.”

An elegant woman with navy-blue hair and a feather stuck in her Alice band came striding towards the pair from around the side of the circus tent, still smiling brightly as ever but now looking somewhat tired.

“Call me “darling” again and you’ll get more than a telling off, Ciel.” Samson huffed.

The skydancer chuckled and playfully rolled her eyes at the strongman, but her previous performance had left her drained of energy to snap back with a witty response. Instead, she turned her attention to Adri.

“I wanted to make sure you were alright, Adriana. I know only too well how overwhelming the circus can be when you aren’t used to it. Why, I myself was ill for a week the first time I ever experienced all its lights and sounds!”

“Really?” said Adri, tilting her head to the side slightly. “I certainly wouldn’t have guessed that from how naturally you perform now.. But, thank you for your concern, Ms. Featherstone. It’s better now that we’re outside. And the fact I had already battled in there before against Samson made it slightly easier this time around.”

“Ah, good. I’m glad to hear that.” Ciel paused for a moment, as if reminiscing about her own experiences, before continuing. “I’d also like to congratulate you for giving us all such a wonderful show once again. You and your Pokémon kept on soaring all the way to the end, and it certainly made for an exhilarating fight!”

“Thank you again, Ciel.” she replied, now smiling for the first time since the end of the Gym battle. “You really know how to use the arena to your advantage, and it certainly wasn’t easy. I’m glad you still enjoyed the battle, even if you didn’t win.”

“Haha, you’re too kind, my dear. It’s been wonderful to have you here with us. Though I suppose you’ll be making your exit, now?”

“Yes.. There is somewhere I need to go. Or rather, someone I need to see.”

The Agate Ace Triumvirate - or rather the Agate Ace Couple now, until they could figure out how to get Terra out of the computer - had not been in Calcenon City when the letter arrived. They had not seen the way Adriana fell down to her knees, drowning in tears of surprise and of longing - the way the twins clustered around her and the Belrose sisters gathered around them in turn to all try their hardest to comfort her, the way all of her racing emotions spilled out onto the ruby path, or the love she poured into her heartfelt reply sent back with her Gothitelle. Still, Samson and Ciel exchanged a very knowing glance as the soul-touched Trainer made her way to the Agate Circus’ healing machine.

One familiar jingle and flash of green lights later, all of Adri’s Pokémon were fully revived and revitalised. She turned to face south and selected another of her Dusk Balls, releasing a dark navy crow-like Pokémon whose feathers glistened black in the setting sunlight.

“I’m afraid we’re going to have to change our strategy, Kelaino.” she told him, as he preened his feathers smugly. “You’re too small to carry me as a Murkrow, aren’t you?”

Kelaino almost appeared to nod, before flying up and attempting to land on Adriana’s back. Though he gave a somewhat half-hearted attempt to pick her up, it was quickly very evident that the little bird had no chance, especially while trying to avoid putting his talons through her clothes. He let out a short caw of discontent as he sat back down on the ground, causing Adriana to laugh quietly.

“Though your ability to strike first with Perish Song has certainly saved us on more than one occasion..” - she took a fleeting glance towards the city’s Grand Stairway far below her, then again to the horizon where Apophyll’s volcano could just barely be seen - “you won’t have that guarantee anymore once you evolve. But, despite that, I still think that being powerful is something you aspire to. And out of everyone else on the team - Arcan, Sapphire, Rosaria, Argent, Marinus.. even Lady and Soulfire.. you are the only one who can fly. So, if it’s alright with you, then I’d like to present you with this.”

From her bag, Adriana took out a dark purple stone that appeared to be filled with shadows. She had managed to accumulate three of them so far across her journey - one from the underground railnet, one from the darkest depths of Iolia Valley, and one that had been with her since before she had ever even heard of the Reborn League.

“Please know that you don’t have to take it, Kel-”

Before she could even finish, he had swooped in and stolen it from her.

The Dusk Stone shone with darkness in Kelaino’s talons, and the Murkrow himself soon became enshrouded in that same darkness, which started expanding. After a few moments, it disappeared in a burst to reveal a much larger and more imposing Pokémon, who gave a now-much deeper caw.

“I suppose that gives me my answer!” Adriana laughed, as her Honchkrow’s new and prideful stance filled her with pride in turn. “Congratulations, Kel. And thank you.”

Kelaino cawed again - he seemed to like the new sound of his cry - and nestled down on the ground by Adri’s side. She felt that she was clambering onto his back slightly awkwardly, especially with the billowing nature of her skirt, but the efforts of the circus performers kept the crowds occupied well enough for her to not feel stared at. Eventually, she was able to get herself settled, and not even the evening clouds rolling in could have dissuaded her from setting out then and there. With a flurry of raven’s feathers, the Pokémon and his Trainer took to the skies, destination clear in mind.

The way that Adriana’s journey through Kalos had taken her meant that she had never had any reason to fly on the back of a Pokémon before, and she understood that it was an ability generally reserved for more advanced Trainers who had collected many of a League’s Gym Badges in most regions - this one being no exception. However, whether it was due to the power of the Technical Machine X in her possession or simply her determination to reach the place she sought after, the process came relatively easily to both herself and Kelaino, even considering he had only just evolved into a Honchkrow.

As the sky became darker and cloudier and the evening began to grow cold at the higher-than-normal altitude, Adri briefly wondered whether it would be feasible to send out her Chandelure, Soulfire. She then promptly decided it would be safer to keep him contained due to the fact that he still had a penchant for troublemaking, and while his mischievous streak had lessened greatly since he was a Litwick, this was not a situation in which she could safely allow him to cause problems. Instead, she clung more firmly to Kel’s feathers, trying to gain what warmth and comfort she could from the Big Boss Pokémon.

Continuing down towards Reborn City, it was clear even from this distance that the city had become much more alive in the time she had spent away from it; Adri recalled the promise Adrienn had made upon xyr return from below the Grand Stairway, and felt proud that xe had appeared to restore the city to its former glory as xe had hoped. She cut over the Onyx Ward, wondering how well the Trainer School was faring with its head teacher helping out in Calcenon, and the forests of Chrysolia began to sprawl out in the distance below her - but she sharply turned left before Tanzan Mountain, descending as quickly as she could without falling. The clouds were now above her, and Adriana trusted her instincts to know that Luna would not be in Vanhanen Castle at this hour - so she aimed for the sparkling gemstones east of its labyrinth, noticing their red, blue, green and purple even from this high up. It was certainly much easier to access when flying in from above.

And then, at last, she was there, and the crystalline valley seemed to open up to welcome her. The sunset’s light over Luna was shadowed by dark blue feathers, and she looked up in wonder to see her love flying down towards her. Though her first ever flight had left her weary, Adriana’s smile shone with joy and relief - it was a sight the dark dreamer knew she would never, ever forget.

#a call from the void #creations from the void #selfship #selfshipping #pokémon selfshipping #luna is from a fanmade pokémon game but I say that still counts #this post is okay to reblog!#heart of the void #love: dark dreamer (luna)#..only actually at the very very end but that doesn't matter #selfship: void‑kissed (luna/adriana)#self‑insert: soul‑touched (adriana)#and quite strongly featuring several of #adriana's pokémon #because my team for this game is very thought-out and I care for all of them quite a lot #I hope this is still okay even for those who have not played the game (which is know is almost everyone)#a lot of the URLs that I have written on my tag list are outdated so I hope I got everyone’s newest ones down #I suppose it’s fitting that my first render of the year was for this selfship and now the first writing is too ^-^#also I feel like I’m crawling out the woodwork a bit with this one because I’ve been very quiet for a while #but I have been around to at least some extent I promise

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stateofgrace1303 · 5 years ago

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My chronic illness, how it started.

*Can you guys please reblog and/or tag Taylor?? I really want her to read

this. I want this to get to her and I'll take any help I can get. I rarely ask this but it'd mean to world to me. I wanna get my story

out there (even if this is only a part of the entire story. The rest I

might post sometime if you guys want me too. I think I did include

everything I wanted to for now though). Just thank you all so much!!! I

love you all ❤*

(Im really sorry about how long this is. Its like a little novel. Plus I'm

OCD and tend to talk/rant until it feels just right... I just wanted to

share it with all of you, since its something I would've shared on TSL,

even though it'd probably be too long for there... But I wanted to share it

here because most of those swifties can be found on tumblr, and I want you

all to hear this... Maybe it'll even get to Taylor too. But please read if

you can. It'd mean a lot to me. Also I tried writing this but then it got

deleted when I tried posting it, so hopefully this one posts (I ended up trying to post this ALL DAY. I'm so glad it's finally up).)

Hey Swifties! So, I thought I would post this because its something I'd

post on TSL if it was still around, as I shared pretty much my whole life

on there, and I always found swifties very easy to talk to (plus you're all

just the nicest people)! So, I wanted to share this on here since most

swifties can be found on tumblr. I'm sure i talked a little bit about this

on tsl (my user was stateofgrace1303, same as on here and ig) but I wanted

to tell you guys more, especially because its getting so much more intense

now and like I said I've always found swifties very easy to talk to you.

Basically, when I was 12, my dad took me to see the RED tour at Gillette

Stadium. We had gone to see the Speak Now tour there and I had been

completely wonderstruck (no pun intended) by Taylor that night. I was 10 at

the speak now tour and had idolized Taylor since I was 6 and she put out

TOMG (and I was known as the Taylor Swift girl by now at my school). So

even though I was 10 I asked my dad, if I save up the money will you take

me to see her when she comes again? And he said yes. About 2 weeks before

the show, I had saved up enough. He didn't think i could do it, but I did.

So, I got tickets and we went to the tour. But when I was walking towards

the stadium (we had parked in a lot right down the street), my vision

became weird, almost like tunnel vision although nothing was turning black

around the edges of my vision. My feet looked very far away from me.

Suddenly, a rush of dizziness came over me and instinctively i grabbed onto

my dads arm to keep from falling down. He asked if I was okay and I could

barely get out words for some reason. I was starting to sweat and we

thought maybe i was dehydrated, so we got into the stadium as quickly as

possible. I was gripping onto everything around me to keep from falling,

but eventually we got into the stadium and I got some water. We had seats

on the field, so that's where I was, drinking some water when suddenly I

was pretty sure I was going to throw up. It was starting to get super

uncomfortable so my dad brought my to the first aid, which was actually

right at the enterance on the field. So when we went in there my dad told

them what was going on and they all looked at me weird and said "people

never get sick. We usually treat bee stings and allergic reactions. We

almost never have people get sick" which actually surprised me. But, they

took me back and laid me down. Almost immediately I started puking. The

nurse I had actually had just had a baby and had some anti nausea

medication on her. So, she gave me that but it didn't work. And I just got

worse. My dad went to find me something to eat so I'd have something in my

stomach. He came back with some chips and iced/frozen lemonade but I threw

up every time. I was so dizzy at this point I was gripping onto the bed

they had me on and puking my guts out, as well as sweating a lot. After a

while, as it only got worse, they actually thought I might have had food

posioning and asked what I ate. But there they noticed something. I was

completely white. Like white as a ghost. Except for my lips, which were

turning blue. And I was struggling to breathe. They wanted to take me to

Boston Childrens and my dad asked if I wanted to, but it was Taylor. I

couldn't miss it. So I said no for that reason. But actually, everyone at

the stadium was trying to get me tickets for the show the next night as she

was playing two nights. Security guards, the nurses, my dads girlfriend...

But nobody could get tickets in the end which was okay. But later my dad

went and for a list of everybody's set times. I had been in first aid for

about an hour at this point. He came back with the list and said "I promise

I will not let you miss them" he said and pointed to Ed Sheerans name, then

Taylor, since I was a huge Ed fan as well. He knew I probably wouldn't be

able to stay, but even seeing them for a minute would've been perfect to

me. Another hour had passed, and I was still there in the same condition.

It was terrifying, and they were really pushing me to go to the hospital

(they wanted to call an ambulance because they actually thought something

very bad might happen if they didn't). But I keep pushing that off because

I wanted to see Taylor and Ed so badly. But, 2 hours I had been there in

the same condition, puking up everything, completely white with blue lips,

struggling to breathe, so dizzy I couldn't even sit up. It was starting to

get painful honestly. So, I suddenly just burst out crying. I was just a 12

year old who wanted to see my idol, and I got this... This weird sickness,

and got stuck in first aid. In so much pain. I didn't even really

understand what was happening. I had always been a sick kid. Always getting

colds and infections. In fact, I almost died as a baby from a problem with

my kidneys, and had become septic. Its a miracle I lived. But I had never

experienced anything like this... And to experience it when I was just

trying to see my idol? When it was only my second concert ever? It crushed

me tbh. My dad asked what was wrong and I finally said the words I had been

avoiding all night... "I wanna go home" (which was actually his

girlfriend's house who lived in Boston... I'm from Maine). And he said

"okay". That was all he needed and he left, walking back towards where we

left the car. However, around 7:30ish the traffic in this area is really

weird I cant even explain it. But traffic can only go one way, instead of

both ways like normal.. So he couldn't get a ride back to the car and had

to walk, and then drive the car in traffic all the way to the stadium to

pick me up. So i had to wait a while, and while I did I heard clapping and

then a British voice say "hello Boston" and he started playing give me

love. I listened to him play and i only cried more because I was so

frustrated I couldn't go out there to see him. About half way through the

set, my dad showed up. They let him park in a no parking zone to come and

get me so he was right next to the enterance to the field. They were going

to put me in a wheelchair, but instead my dad came and helped me up. He was

holding me up straight and almost dragged me out of the first aid station,

into the stadium. I remember this part so well. The air hit me, I heard

Ed's voice clearly and saw him on stage, and suddenly, I let go of my dad,

and I was able to stand on my own... And I was fine. It was like a miracle.

I yelled to my dad over the music "is it too late to stay?" And he screamed

back "what??? After all that you wanna stay???" And I said yes, so, we

stayed. He went to go move the car (the girl was so nice who did the

parking, he told her the story, and he just needs to park the car and het

back in the stadium, how much would it cost. And the girl said park

wherever you want no charge. I thought that was seriously the sweetest

thing.) Sooo he did that, and since I was only 12 in a huge stadium, one of

the cops that was patroling the place stayed with me and asked me all kinds

of questions about Ed Sheeran, especially about the A-Team, when he played

it. He said "this isn't his song right?? Is this a cover?? I know this

song." And I told him it wad and told him all about it. It was the ideal

conversation for 12 year old me 😂 Anyway, my dad came back, we got to our

seats, and I actually met Andrea for a very brief moment! And before I knew

it, Taylor was playing. And I had made it through the entire show. I woke

up the next morning, still feeling a little sick but actually felt better

after eating, so I thought the worst was over. But, I was wrong... I didn't

know that one night would become my life... And god I wish I had gone to

the hospital... Maybe I would be okay now if I had... But anyway... A month

later (in August), it happened at my friends end of summer party. Then a

month later (in September), while I was at school... Each time worse than

the time before. Everyone had been informed I was having issues, but nobody

had seen anything happen yet. I seemed like myself. Then one day, I was on

my way to lunch with my friends, and I collapsed in the hallway... Same

thing happening. All my friends freaked out and 2 stayed with me while the

rest went to get the nurse. She actually thought I was dying, and honestly

I could've. She called my mom and said she wasn't sure if she should call

my mom or an ambulance. Then my mom came and got me and immedaitly took me

to my doctor (because she said next time it happens to come in so they

could monitor me). I was monitored and fell asleep, then 4 hours later i

woke up like nothing happened. After that i was pulled out of school and

constantly at the doctor. And I just got sicker and sicker... Which was

later diagnosed as... "Anxiety". By an unqualified doctor. He was a thyroid

doctor and diagnosed me with that?? As time went on, I got incredibly sick

to the point I can't even move. I have become completely disabled and lose

control of my body a lot. It's like my brain is disconnected from my body.

And I get this weird feeling im falling off a cliff and I cant feel my arms

and when that happens, I cant move at all. I cant even express how bad it

can get, how scary and painful it is. I'm a lot sicker than most people

think I am... I spend most days in bed, actually unable to move. I find

ways to keep my spirits up, luckily. Mostly its listening to Taylor and

watching friends but yeah 😂 I have days where I can't even sit up I'm so

dizzy and weak and it hurts so much. Its also terrifying when you don't

have full control over your own body. Absoultely terrifying. Although I

have okay days where I can stand up and function for a little bit, most

days lately have been like this... Bad and living from my bed due to

weakness and dizziness (extreme dizziness honestly). I have days where its

even a struggle to breathe, the most simple thing in the world. It gets

depressing at times... When you spend all ur time in bed or a wheelchair it

really can vet discouraging... But I'm still fighting. And I'm so happy I

am. And like I said, Taylor always lifts me up. Even on my worst, most

disabled and bed ridden days. Oh, that reminds me... I also have seizures

now, sadly. But I hadn't had what happened that night at the RED tour in a

while though... Until one night last year... While I was seeing Ed Sheeran

in Gillette Stadium 😂 Maybe its him?? I dont know 😂 Anyway, I spend most

days in bed, and I do online schooling now. I've seen Taylor twice since

then. For 1989 and for reputation. With 1989 I needed a lot of help but I

got through it. Reputation, it had gotten so bad I needed a wheelchair and

I still do whenever I go out, really. I dont have full control over my body

and I'm too weak and just very sick. I'm really hoping to go to lover fest

but if i do will need a wheelchair and even then I'll probably still feel

sick... But Taylors worth it ❤ Hopefully can get ada seating like with rep.

Wanted to keep this last part short but I think I failed 😂 Mainly wanted

to focus on the red tour. My health story is so incredibly long, I couldn't

say it all (maybe I will later). However, for now, I will tell you this, I

was diagnosed with a thyroid disease, migraines, and seizures. Then it was

discovered that all of this... Was advanced Lyme Disease... And it created

something called Dysautonomia (basically a disfunction of the autonomic

nervous system, which most people don't even realize they have, or how

important it is, until it makes you sick and either nearly kills or

cripples you... Depending on the kind though.) Also known as POTS, or

Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (there are actually 15 kids of

dysautonomia, that being one of them, I might possibly have more than one

kinda, were not sure yet. But its basically half cardiology half

neurology). And there's no cure... I could be this way, this disabled and

sick for a while... But there are treatments that might work luckily!!!

Since there are no Dysautonomia clinics in Maine, I either have to go to

New York, Baltimore, Cleveland, or Minneapolis. So looks like im taking a

trip! Sadly to a hospital, but still 😊 I honestly don't know how we'll pay

for it, but I need it, or I will spend my life like this. So I'm sure we'll

find a way... Like I always seem to do in life, no matter what 😊❤ Oh, and

funny thing is, I have something called PANS as well... So I have Pots and

Pans 😂😂😂 Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you guys because like

I said you guys are always so great and Taylor is my favorite artist so I

wanted to share it with the people who understand my love for her. I've

been a huge fan of her for 13 years (I'm 18, 19 next month, now). Theres

something about her... She's always helped me but especially now. She makes

me so happy and feel so safe during this time... Im fact, the only time i

smile like i did when I was younger,before all of this, is when I listen to

Taylor. I even have a Long Live tattoo on my wrist because I felt it

represented my love for her the most, and what we've made as a fandom, the

magic we've created. Plus, it reminds me that I'm fighting my battle (this

"dragon") with Taylor and her music on my side, as well as all of you. And

it makes me smile. I can't wait to get more Taylor tattoos... Honestly,

after all of this and the other health issues I faced as a baby and a

child, I can't believe I'm still here, that I'm still living... Especially

because since I've always been so sick with so many different illnesses and

health issues to the point I'm disabled, my immune system is so weak. I

truly cannot believe I'm still here. But... I guess my body just isn't

ready to give up. It hasn't yet at least!!! And it doesn't want to. It

won't. I'm strong. Me, and my body, want to fight until the very end. And

I'm grateful for that. So grateful that I am still alive, and still

fighting every day of my life. It might be hard, and I can't function or do

really anything but lay in bed and watch tv most days, but I'm just so

thankful that I'm still alive, that it's okay I have to be at the doctors

so much and have to take all these meds (I do anything at this point that

can help me even the slighest). And no matter what life throws at my

health, my body always fights it and gets right back up. I fall down 10

times, I stand up 11. And I could not have the courage and strength to do

this if it wasn't for my idol, Taylor Swift. I've been a fan of Taylor for

13 years (I'm 18 now, 19 next month) so her and her music have helped me

through every problem I have ever faced, and this is no different. She has

a song for everything, so I can always find something to listen to that

makes me feel like she understands and she's telling me it'll be okay...

And ever since LOVER came out, I've been listening to soon you'll get

better on days its really bad, and my girlfriend sends me that song on bad

days too... It makes me feel safe. And like I can fight this. Thank you,

Taylor. I will never be able to repay you. I may struggle with this every

single day im here on earth, but with your music and the support I feel

from the swiftie fam, I know I'll get through it. Anyway... I guess I

should end this here. Again, sorry this is so long but if you read this

thank you so much for taking the time to!! If you made it to this point,

I'm proud 😂❤ And it means the world to me, you have no idea. Im hoping

this will get to Taylor and maybe even Ed one day. I love you all so much

and once again, thank you for reading!! ❤❤❤

@taylorswift @taylornation 🌈❤ @taylornotices 💜

(Pic is from when I was in First Aid at Ed Sheeran. It was so bad there

they had to give me an IV. I was in the first aid station, wrapped up in my

nightmare before Christmas blanket, on a stretcher with an IV in my hand

pretty much the entire night. It was so painful. When I arrived to first

aid I was actually unresponsive. Like I knew what was happening but I

couldn't talk or open my eyes. All I could do was make very small

movements. It felt like my body was shutting down. I was having bad heart issues as well and they wanted to give me a medicine fot my nausea but since I had lyme disease it could make my heart issues worse so they had to give me an EKG... Right there at the concert 😂 Interesting... But, I got through it.

Like always 😊 So yeah thats where the

picture is from ❤)

#taylurking #taylorswift #taylorstans #taylornation #red #redtour #edsheeran #lymedisease #dysautonomia #taylorlurking #i love you taylor #tay #usertaylornotices #tswift

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shawnpetermuffins · 6 years ago

Text

Wedding Day Jitters

Summary: This is all she's ever wanted, so why is she so scared?

A/n: I'll be honest, this is probably my favorite thing I've ever written, so let's not let it flop, yeah?

Warnings: fluff, mentions of anxiety. (Not a warning, but it does switch between POVs)

***

I'm in my dress, my hair and makeup is done, and I'm supposed to be walking down the aisle in twenty minutes. So the question is, how the hell am I not ready? My stomach is turning on itself, and the room feels far too hot for this September weather. My breathing is erratic and I have the unnerving feeling that I might pass out if I don't sit down, but the room is crowded with my bridesmaids, both mine and Shawn's mom's, my aunt, grandma, niece, and Aaliyah, and then there's me in this dress that is probably half of my weight, it's so heavy.

I search restlessly for my phone and excuse myself to the bathroom, that overwhelming rush of anxiety starting to consume me, and only one person on this earth can help me right now. "Come on. Pick up the phone, bubba." I whisper softly, feeling my eyes start to brim with tears. I quickly blink them away; I worked far too hard on my makeup to mess it up before the wedding even starts. My fingers press into the side of my ribcage to null the aching pain that's surfacing, which only pushes me further into this downward spiral. I was just about to give up all hope when he finally answers.

"Hello?"

I let out a relieved sigh. "I need you."

"Is this allowed?"

"No," I say, looking down at my dress that now felt tighter with every breath I took.

"Baby? What's wrong?"

"Can you come to my room? I can't-" I take in a shallow breath, "I can't," another breath.

"I'm on my way."

"Hurry?" I beg.

"I'm sprinting. Hey?"

"Yeah?" I press harder into my side.

"I love you."

"I love you," I mumble before I hang up. "Okay, deep breaths," I whisper to myself. Hurry, baby. It's happening too fast.

---

I barely hear my phone over the music the guys have blaring in the room, but the second I catch sight of her face on my screen, I scurry into the hallway. Her voice is low and breathy and I swear my heart starts besting a million times faster, hearing her so scared and anxious. Especially knowing that I'm not with her.

"Hurry?" She pleads.

"I'm sprinting," I say, already heading to her side of the venue. "Hey?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Where is she?" I rush out, looking around her crowded dressing room. No wonder she's anxious, if looks could kill I'd be dead.

"Shawn, you're not supposed to be here." Mum comes to my side, trying to push me back out the door.

"She called me," I said, in way of explanation. "She needs me. Where is she?"

"Bathroom," Aaliyah points to the sliding doors on the far side of the room, noticing the urgency and intensity in my face, no doubt. I hope my eyes translate just how thankful I am for her right now.

I cross the room, their eyes all on me as I reach the door. I face them. "Not that I don't love you all dearly, but I need just five minutes alone with her. So can you all just-" I tilt my head toward the door and they, thankfully get the hint. When the last girl finally leaves, I knock softly on the door. "Y/n? Pumpkin, can I come in?"

"Yes," she says through obvious struggles to breathe. I open and close the door behind me and stop in my tracks when I see her. "Wow," I murmur as she stands and wraps her arms around me. "You look... So pretty."

She sniffles, "thanks." Every breath she takes is jagged, so I do all that I know I can and rub soothing circles on her bare back.

"You wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"Are we making a mistake?" She blurts out.

"What?" I hold her at arms length, trying to meet her eyes. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"Because things are going so good. What if marriage ruins that?"

I chuckle at her outburst.

"Its not funny, Shawn. I'm serious. I'm scared that once we're married - legally bonded to each other - You won't want me the same."

"Y/n, as far as I'm concerned, marriage isn't any different than what we've been doing the past six years. It says 'Hey, I literally belong to this person forever.' I've been saying that since the moment I met you. Now we just have a paper to prove it." I take her face in my hands. "This won't change how I feel about you. If anything, it's only going to make me love you more. And I already love you so much."

She nods, taking in another deep breath. "I love you too."

"You a little better?"

"Yeah," she says lowly.

"Good," I smile brightly at the beautiful creature in front of me, then check my watch. "Now I have to be at that alter in two minutes. You gonna be good? I don't have to tell everyone we have a runaway bride, right?"

She laughed and it's music to my ears. "I'll see you in five minutes."

I place a gentle kiss to her temple and her eyes flutter shut. "It's you and me forever, baby." I reach behind me and start to slide the door open. "Oh, and one more thing."

"Hmm?" She looks up at me.

"You are the most beautiful bride, and I cannot wait to take that dress off you later tonight." I wink and slide out the door.

"Dude, where did you go?" Brian takes me by the shoulder and rushes me to the doors of the alter.

I shrug, "My girl needed me."

Matt smiles at my answer, "You are so whipped for her."

"You think we'd be standing here right now if I wasn't? Man, I would have married her in a courthouse the day she turned eighteen if I had had the chance. But this, god, when you see her, you'll believe the wait was well worth it too."

---

"And for the first time ever as husband and wife, I give you Mr. And Mrs. Shawn Mendes!"

Shawn walks me into the reception, holding tightly to my waist. Everyone's clapping and cheering; I'm a little overwhelmed, not gonna lie. But having my husband next to me was keeping my nerves at bay.

"If our couple would please make their way to the floor for their first dance."

"What song did you pick, bubs?" I hold my hand out for him to take, my other hand rests on his shoulder, his on my hip.

"You'll see." I listen to the beginning strums and smile despite myself.

She's a yellow pair of running shoes. A holey pair of jeans. She looks great in cheap sunglasses. She looks great in anything.

"Did I do good?" He asks, leaning closer to my ear.

I nod, "You did perfect. God, I could not love you more than I do in this moment."

He chuckles, "just wait until you see what I have planned for the honeymoon."

She a fighter when she's mad, and she's a lover when she's loving. And she's everything I've ever wanted. Everything I need.

"I love you, y/n."

I talk about her. I go on, and on, and on. 'Cause she's everything to me.

"I love you. His lips find mine for a brief second before I start grinning so much that he's only kissing my teeth.

---

7,642,086 likes

Shawnmendes I'll love you forever.💍

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